|
Throwing Stones –
"Fearing the Truth" Stones, rocks, bricks… they all represent things that could be or were once used as foundation materials. If the dreamer sees someone else in the dream throwing stones, or several people throwing stones, and some individuals are known or "remembered" and others are “familiar” but not recalled upon awakening, they are in fact unwilling to look at themselves as being the one or one of the ones “throwing stones”. Essentially,
doing damage, destroying instead of building their own foundations. “Fundamentally in error.” We will explore various aspects of the dreams of throwing stones, and this should help the reader to decipher his or her own dream by examining the process in their own dream. (Dream Examples will be available to show this
mechanism in action.) “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Is one familiar term. Throwing stones can indicate a criticism of others that more rightfully belongs to oneself. By
stoning the victim of this event, the stone thrower is denying their own fallibility, in the worst possible way. It renders them afraid to look within at things they need to accept or change about themselves. “People who live in glasses houses shouldn’t…” If a dreamer is throwing stones, they need to consider their own vulnerability to the moral standard they are claiming when they justify abusive criticism of another person or persons. If a person in a dream is throwing stones at a house, that person is being told that they are harming themselves. People are not obligated to
tell a person that they are not believed, or others think less of them. People are too polite and frankly, not interested in spontaneous guerilla therapy groups focusing on an egotistical person’s ill-mannered behaviors. Not their job. The house in the dream is most often a symbol of the dreamer: Their health, their credibility, or when viewed from the outside, their personality, and how others see them. Throwing stones to the outside of a house or building is to be destroying one’s own
reputation, credibility, or life’s work. People hold their opinions of the dreamer and it takes a battering every time they lie, mislead, or justify their own behaviors with excuses and blame. The dreams will tell the person the harm they are doing, if the person is willing to observe and understand the meaning of such dreams. It is often the only clue a person has that they need to change their destructive behaviors. I have seen the wives, husbands and children of people who have extremely bad, selfish behaviors, cover up their reactions with ego-feeding behaviors that assuage the individual and let them think they have not been seen as the monsters they are. But in private, or behind the person’s back, there are eyes rolling, and resentments building. Children and partners generate nightmares of anger towards this person, that they are helpless to vent in daily life. It is an unhealthy way of co-existing. There are some methods of dream interpretation wherein the dreamer is every aspect of their dream at once. Sort of a live dissection of personality, health and well-being portrayed in a theater of props and actions. In that
method, it would ultimately be revealed that any dreamer who dreams about throwing stones at another person, is in reality, only hurting themselves. If you are throwing stones, or there is stone throwing in general in your dreams, it is time to take a thorough inventory on any destructive patterns of relationships or behaviors you are employing. __________________ Throwing Stones at the Lady
Below is a dream from an individual who was in the process of destroying a friendship in order that he not be confronted with his abusive behaviors, and the lies he had been spreading about other people in the community. One dreamer claims to have witnessed two men throwing stones at a woman in his dream. One stone hit her in the heart. The dreamer, a male, recognized one of the men as his handyman, but did not recognize the second man. He was appalled that these two men had done this for no apparent reason. He recalled yelling at the handyman for what he had done, when in fact, it was the other person who’s stone had struck the woman. (*Note: Handyman can also imply one’s own “handiwork.”
Bluntly, by their own hand, of their own doing. Regardless of who they enlist to the dirty deeds). He was unwilling to see himself, unable to recognize himself in the dream as the other man. He is still unable to deal with how his behaviors make him look to himself (his spirit) on a spiritual level. It has been a life long pattern of lies and retreat for this unhappy
individual. The woman in the dream, at that time, was a close personal friend of everyone in his small circle of family and close friends. But, she was also a "threat" to
the dreamer in that she had uncovered many of the lies he had been spreading about other people in the community. He knew that his distortions and lies were not “working on her” the way they did others around him. She maintained contact with people he had falsely claimed encounters with and it was only a matter of time before his fabrications would be obvious. He would be revealed. He had begun a campaign of secretly criticizing this woman to others in his circle of friends and family, hoping to discredit her as a friend, destroy her credibility so that when the truth did come out, he would not have to
answer for the lies he had told about other people in his community. (A paranoid tactic which had worked in the past.) All of his friendships have ended in dramatic blow-outs, and this one was headed in the same direction. The friendship ended as all his friendships end: He flew into a narcissistic rage, hurling accusations he knew were untrue. The heart of the friendship was betrayed. The stone to the heart ended the friendship. That he had also cast the handyman as the one throwing stones with him meant that he was using this person to do his dirty work. The handyman had a great admiration for this woman who was also his friend, and he had a great loyalty to his employer. In the end, it was his loyalty that was misused, and he too, was cut off from a good ally. "Handyman" is a symbol for "handiwork". Seeing a "handyman" in one's dream can indicate either assistance or that the result is of one's own "handiwork" The dreamer had been notified in his dream that what he was doing was wrong, harmful and destructive and would end a friendship. He ignored the warnings. Unable to recognize himself in dreams that show him the effect of his behaviors, he continues his destructive patterns in social relationships and to this day to have dreams of throwing stones. _______________
Throwing Stones at the Bear
Mother hiding under the blanketsMore than one woman of Native descent has had the following type of dream: These women are from opposite sides of the continent and not related to one another. But they have much in common, including being raised in a household where the mother was abused, and entering into long-term abusive relationships themselves, as adults. I have compiled elements of two of them and their dreams into one for the purpose of relating to experiences they have in common with each other and with millions of women (and some men) in this world. The Blankets, the Bear, The Water and Throwing Stones
“I went to my mother’s house and could not find her. I called and called but there was no answer. I knew she was there somewhere. I saw a
pile of blankets in the corner. I lifted the blankets one by one. I could hear my mother breathing, then sobbing. I kept trying to tell her it was okay, not to be afraid, it was only me.I finally peered under the last blanket and I could see her there, hiding. She would not look at me. She was terrified. She was lashing out at me and I felt sorry for her. I was so afraid of her fear, I replaced the blankets over her so as not to disturb her hiding place. I was so hurt that she couldn’t see that I was trying to help her. Next thing I knew, I was out at this beautiful place. There was a huge body of water, surrounded by trees, and mountains, fed by the tides of the ocean. It looked like a lake, then a river, then a lagoon. It was beautiful, clear, smooth water. I was standing on a log with my sister. Suddenly, there was a bear approaching from the woods. I picked up
rocks and waited. The bear came into the water and was fishing for it’s food. It was aware that I was there. I was afraid that it would see me and hurt me. I would not look at it, afraid that
if it saw me seeing it, it would kill me. It was coming closer and closer. I started throwing stones at it, to drive it away. The whole time, not looking directly at it. I woke up, terrified.” It does not take much to see the parallels between the mother hiding under the blankets (denial, layers of denial) and the dreamer(s) who also feared the approach of “bear”, and would not look at it, and indeed “lashed out” at it. Both these dreamers had mothers who had been battered and abused by their husbands (fathers) and both these women had destructive marriages to husbands who were also batterers, abusers. Both these women had employed every tool of denial that
would reflect the similarities between their present life situation, and that of their mothers. When counseling had effected the removal of some of the denial aspects, both women had tried to relay their new found hope, and strength to their mothers. This caused their mothers, who were still in abusive situations, to further retreat
into their own layers of denial and self-pity. At some point in counseling, a person learns that they cannot change anyone around them. That if a situation is to change or improve, and the partner is unwilling to grow forward, someone has to leave. It is at this moment when many women find they lack the confidence, courage, self-esteem or know-how to even begin the steps of freeing themselves from a pattern of abuse. Even the realization that they are passing down to their children,
the legacy of abuse, they turn instead to what they know best: covering up. Blankets are often the ultimate symbol of “covering up” or “covering for” another person’s abuses. Worse yet, for denying their own compliance in the abuse, and in the damage done to their children. The water in the dreams was symbolic of emotional peace. The presence of the bear (recognition that healing is coming near) became a threat even when nothing threatening was being done. Throwing stones at the bear antagonized the healing, made the process counter productive. These women, in their dreams, feared the bear the way their mothers feared their approach. A child gaining strength and confronting the reality of abuse can leave a battered
mother with a sense of guilt and shame that they are not willing to look at, deal with and heal from. This can in turn, set back the recovery, or fail altogether and the person re-enters a state of reinforced denial. The bear being in the water, (water = emotions) looking for food, shows that there was emotional strength that needed to be found. That the water was smooth shows that this could be a place of peace. That this person could have peace in their life, if only they were able to recognize the healing ally, the bear for it’s strength and courage. Having a bear in the water indicates the dreamer(s) have strength and courage to draw on. That they throw stones at it, shows they are afraid of finding their own strength, that they are reluctant to the point of terror, to
take the necessary steps to end the cycle of abuse, apology, more abuse. Denial is one of the most powerful forces of self-destruction on all levels: Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It can, as it has in many instances, create a fear of the very elements necessary to begin the healing process. These dreamers can’t see that they are unwilling to see! Note any dreams that you have with bears. Note what the bears are doing, or have done and what your reaction is to them. This will be your most vital clues as to where you are in danger of bringing or allowing harm to yourself or others, and what areas you may want to look at as a good place to start. Other dreams of bears will be discussed at another time. Bears who lead to places or sources of healing; talking bears; etc. (Note: The size of the bear always indicates both the size of the problem or threat and the size of the resources available to deal with it.
|
